Author Jacquelyn Mitchard considers her limits after a
half-century of experiences
With fate
and that rearview mirror in mind, here are a few things beyond ‘the Limbo’ I'm
quite probably beyond doing. So, join me in just saying no to:
1.
Parkour.
2.
Jell-O shots.
3.
Karaoke after
midnight.
4.
Karaoke after Jell-O
shots.
5.
Trying to break a
plank with your head.
6.
Mud wrestling
(intentional).
7.
Crowd surfing to the
mosh pit.
8.
Joining the circus.
Joining the ashram.
9.
Drinking champagne
from your son's girlfriend's shoe.
10.
Drinking champagne from
your daughter's boyfriend's shoe.
11.
Drinking champagne
from your own shoe.
12.
Xtreme bingo cruises.
13.
Collecting owls made
of shells, frogs made of ceramic or lawn gnomes made of anything — really,
really anything.
14.
Playing basketball in
high heels.
15.
Throwing a wet T-shirt
contest. Throwing a wet nightshirt contest.
16.
Getting publicly and
verbally excited about the number of stamps in your passport, zeroes in your
paycheck, capital letters before or after your name (unless they're H.R.H.),
number of names on your phone-favorites list, number of people you could have
married, the size of your acreage … or the size of your anything else.
17.
Explaining your
personal role in the fact that your kids "never really got into any of
that stuff …"
18.
Explaining your
personal role in the fact that your kids got into an Ivy League college.
19.
Explaining your
personal role in starting the rumor that Paul was dead.
20.
Single-spacing your
Christmas letter.
21.
The Dougie.
22.
Giving up — ever.
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