You ever ask "Why?"

I do. And as I less-than-gracefully age, I feel more curmudgeonly and confused. So, help me out and tell me why:

• DC Metro station managers are uniformly nasty. Not overtly, but in that subtle and sneering "Are ya stupid or what?!" mode. They must eat the same bad food.
• DC Metro signs bite. My #2 Gripe: Dear Boss of Metro: If the walls are dingy from age, why would you have the station's name posts be deep brown with white name lettering? Do you want people to get lost? You'd think Metro gets paid by the time you're a guest of the system. Glad the rides and equipment are great, tho, so I keep coming back.
• Springtime brings out clothing on certain body types that (really, dear) ought to have been left in the closet. All it does for me is to remind me to be humble and not try to dress for public success since I don't carry it that well. I think I'll start carrying a sign that says, simply, "1 - Go Home and Try Again."
• Men's bathrooms are so dreary. It's not like I want to hang out in them, but come on, throw me a decorating bone. And what's with all those mirrors? Guys usually don't (tho they maybe should) spend time fluffing their hair. I'd rather they put up a scratching post or something... And what's with that scent, Death by Various Floral and Fauna. I could be rich by creating great scents like Beef Jerky, Another Rack of Ribs and Campfire Nights. Heck, THEN we'd hang out!
• Lastly, why do people look in buidling window reflections at themselves? Sabrina had a point about elevators and I soon noticed (mostly women, but some guys too) people watching themselves walk. Why? Did they forget to check out the accessorizing at home? I will respect etiquette here and not devolve further into my thinking, so let's just leave it at this: if you're gonna watch yourself sashay down Massachusetts Ave., don't stare. Then other folks will stare at you too and you may find it a tad embarassing...

Gotta Love the Metro

Here in DC, we have the cutest Metro persona. She coos over the loudspeaker to say things like,
"Please remember that the car doors will not reopen automatically if your purse or
arm gets caught in the door. To improve today's Metro experience, we recommend..."

Is it just me who wonders just how sub-standard your Metro experience would be if you had to depart the platform with only half your arm in a position that would likekly ensure it's not hacked off in the tunnel? I'm glad the lady's voice expressed no compassion nor remorse to cause undue concern about loss-of-limb... I must worry too much.

Sabrina remarked about how uncomfortable it is to have someone looking at you in the elevator's mirrored surface. Hmm, for starters I never get that (?) lucky, but if I did I imagine one of the reactions below would pin the stalker's intentions down. Assuming they're of the opposite gender:

• Put out your tongue
• Very discreetly and politely begin drooling
• Give them your best Mr. Bean imitation
• Look right at them and tell them it's about time they looked - you've been dying to go out for drinks with them
• Give them a dead-pan stare right back ... then wink at them!

I imagine it would be different if they were same-gender, so I recommend:

• Starting pounding your head on the wall
• Lick the wall (OK, kind of gross but drastic measures may be needed)
• Kicking up your heels a la Riverdance
• Again, drooling is a time-honored classic ...

Tell Me, America!

Why do people push the elevator button at each floor ... while it's still lit. What, we trust technology enough to bet our lives we won't plummet into the building's abyss, but don't think the little white light works right?! And what up backing into parking spots when it takes you three attempts? Are the folks in DC that bad at driving? I reckon "Yes," but maybe I'm missing something here...
Lastly, as I reach out to Arkansawyer, I again feel the truth, the insight, the brotherly love behind the adage, "Old friends are the best friends." Comment number three from him was in April 2006. Two years later, I now see the blogging light and am coming toward it!

Back in the Saddle

It's time to share thoughts, insanity and general mental mayhem with the American populace...